Whether or not you’re married, money can be a huge source of stress for couples. It can be hard to decide who should pay for what, how much each person should contribute, and how your money should be spent. Depending on how many years and experiences you’ve shared as a couple, you’ve probably had different levels of openness with each other about your finances. Because couples face different challenges at different stages of their relationship, here are some tips for avoiding money woes.
While dating…
You don’t need to spend tons of money on every date. Learn how to have fun without dropping dough on meals at fancy restaurants, tickets to shows, and other expensive activities. Instead, enjoy each other’s company by going for a walk, hanging out at the park, and cooking meals for each other at home.
Pay attention to financial habits early on. Although you probably won’t know a ton about your partner’s financial situation at this point, it’s important to pay attention if you think there’s a possibility you’re in it for the long run. It’s important to understand that although you may really love a person, that doesn’t mean they’re fiscally responsible. So before committing, learn about how your partner deals with the grown-up issues in life.
While living together…
Have a discussion beforehand. Don’t think that moving in together means that there’ll be no kinks in your relationship. Discuss how bills will be paid, who’s responsible for what, and any other important matters that will impact your finances.
Create a written agreement. Having financial details in writing will help clear up any future disagreements and misunderstandings about money.
Think hard about borrowing together. If you incur debt together, and the relationship eventually doesn’t work out, who’s going to be responsible for paying the debts? Plan ahead, have a written agreement, and stick to it. You don’t want to be the one stuck paying it off, without any legal recourse.
Keep major purchases separate and documented. Keep track of who paid what towards every major purchase. The best way to do this is to make all major purchases separately. For example, you might buy a new couch, while your partner springs for a mattress. If you break up, you’ll be able to avoid arguments over ownership, and move on more quickly.
Put both names on the lease. If you’re renting together, make sure both of your names are on the lease. If one of you doesn’t pay, you’ll spend a better chance of collecting in court if their name appears on the lease, too.
While newlyweds…
Don’t spend all monetary wedding gifts right away. Save some for future children, your house or any other shared dreams you may have.
Don’t go into debt for your wedding. Try to pay cash for the wedding. Consider that having a lavish party may not be as important as financial stability and your future dreams. There are many things more permanent and lasting than your wedding reception that you’ll need money for in the future.
Confide in your partner. Don’t keep financial problems and debts to yourself because this can be really destructive to both of you. Discuss your worries and ask for suggestions and support. Work out a plan together, and be open.
Make a list of priorities. Decide what your financial priorities are. Make sure you’re both on the same page as far as your goals, and combine plans for the future.
Create ground rules for spending. Most likely, you’ve never had to consult anyone before making purchases before, so this is a whole new territory. Determine a monthly spending limit, and kinds of things it’s okay to spend on.
Develop a budget. Review it together at the end of every month to make sure both of you are staying on track.
While starting a family…
Make a financial plan for stay-at-home parenting. If one partner decides to become a stay-at-home parent, determine how your finances will work. Will you equally be in control of the money? Whatever arrangement you decide, make sure it shows respect for the parent staying at home, because that’s just as important a job as the one that earns income.
Contribute to savings for your child. If your children work part-time, encourage them to save as well.
While maintaining a joint financial life…
Have “money-meetings.” Discuss your financial situation with each other on a regular basis to promote openness and solve problems.
Don’t ignore your partner’s needs. If something is important to one of you, it should be important to both of you. Carefully consider what your partner is saying, instead of disregarding it.
The bottom line here is that openness and good communication skills are essential to keeping money woes from destroying your relationship. If you learn to talk things out and come up with creative solutions together, your financial life will be much less stressful, and you will ultimately achieve more of your goals.
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